Time...

Now the time is 3.38 AM(August 24, 2009), i cannot sleep...just finish study a little bit of MATH...now i am tired but don't feel like sleeping...i keep on thinking what to do next, i mean about the girl...MONDAY to FRIDAY, MORNING to NIGHT i keep on thinking of her. Only 2 things i am thinking, "How is she Now?" and "What i should do NEXT?". She say we can only be friends but i don't want just to be friends...i want to be something more...but what can i do if she doesn't want to...i cannot force her...1 of my friends say let time show her my true feelings...but would time be on my side? Would time help me?I really really don't know what to do...Give UP? or CONTINUE? I don't want to GIVE UP. I want to continue to do what i can to win her heart but things doesn't seems to go my way...My conclusion is "I WILL CONTINUE TO DO WHAT I CAN TO WIN HER HEART". Hope she won't get angry with me...

Why?

Why is that hard to have a chance from you? I hope you can give me a chance but i know that will not happen so i am not happy...i am not saying that you are wrong...the person that is wrong is me...i have to tell myself everyday "she is a friend, she is a friend". I have to tell myself like this so that i can fool myself...but to be honest, it has no use on me...i everyday go college have 2 intentions,

1. Study
2. Just to have a look at her

you might think that i am stupid or crazy, but i am not, i just want to know is she happy or not...that's all...if she is unhappy i also can't do anything but at least can sms her and ask what happen...she won't reply me but i also can do nothing more...that is what i can do only...

i know i am old and she is young...i am not cheating a small girl...i am true to her, haiz...who will know?no one. i don't care if anyone believe me or not...i only hope she will believe me...i hope so much also no use because she will never know...

Sorry

I'm so sorry to have chase you last time...i know i cause you UNHAPPY...but i cannot control my emotions. I am also very UNHAPPY when you say we can only be friends...when you say this i know you don't have any feeling towards me...that's why i am sad...you are not WRONG...the person that is wrong is me...If i tell you i am still sad now, do you believe me? A few lecturers know this, they comforted me...but i think what they say is just words to make me feel more better...i thank you LECTURERS to have done that for me but i think what you've done is wasted...because i didn't listen to what you say... because my heart tells me i still have feeling towards her...i know i am stupid, foolish but i cannot control my emotions...and my BRAIN tells me that we are now friends. This coming Thursday is the flower giving day already, i am afraid, i scared when she receive the flowers she will get angry...at first i don't know i give her flowers is for showing my feelings towards her or as a friend...now i adjusted my feelings and i think i give the flower as a friend... All i need is a CHANCE from you to prove myself to you. Do you believe what i said? Even you believe i think also no use...haha...I really really hope you will give a chance to me...

好无奈~~~

Yesterday night i got msn her, i apologies to her if last time i got make her unhappy...she accepted my apologies...she might not feel anything, but to me...i really feel sad...everyday my mind is all about her...i am not '变态'...is just hard for me to forget her...actually today at college i really don't feel happy...then at canteen i saw her...i feel more sad...it is not her fault...it is my own problem...i just can be a friend to her only...but what i wanted is not like this...i wanted to be more then friend...the 'SOUR' and 'BITTER' feel in my heart really is unbearable...i don't like this feeling but it comes to my heart AUTOMATICALLY. It is all my own fault...why must i fall in LOVE with her? I feel like crying but i cannot cry because i am a MAN!!! The percentage of upgrading the relationship from friends to a better relationship is = 99.99 % sure fail...I really really hope MIRACLE will happen...Anyone reading this blog...please pray i will succeed.

Tears In HEART

Today morning after finish PROGRAMMING CONCEPT AND DESIGN class i talk to the LABIS girl...i told her about me and the girl problem...she said she will help me ask...after that...at noon...the answer is NO...i directly no power...sad...i didn't show that i am SAD...now i am alone in the room...cannot hide my feelings anymore so i write this blog...now my mind is just full of question like "how can i win her heart" or "what can i do to win her heart"...haiz...i very STUPID right...i am sad now because i cannot get to win a GIRLS heart is because i can't win THAT GIRLS HEART!!! That LABIS GIRL also say that the girl say "i should try hard to maintain friendship with her not to become GIRLFRIEND"...she also told me that after she said all those....the GIRL very happy...haiz...but when i heard that i am sad...does she know?would she know...she is not my 'who' also...she know also no use...i now can do nothing...just to wait to see whether is there anymore chances or with a bit of luck, things might go my way...if and only if someone get to see this BLOG...please wish me luck...thanks...

Heart Broken...

2 days ago(Friday), i received a very SHOCK INFORMATION.1 of the first year student told me that the girl long ago knew i want to chase her...and even her housemate also know...and she told him that i "烦" her...and he also told me that this happened a few weeks ago...when i heard this information i was shocked...my mind when blank...i really don't know what to do...my HEART now very pain...My HEART pain is not because i can't make a girl LIKE me...is because i can't make her LIKE me...just a few friends that i TRUST know my problem...others i didn't want to let them know...My heart now is like the picture on top, my hope had been SMASHED to pieces...i will PERSEVERE till the last second...i won't GIVE UP....but my heart now really PAIN...the PAIN is hard for me to cope with...i don't like this feeling...

Roses...

Today i went to the office to look for Miss Lee...for the test on August 20th...i want to change my PRECALCULUS MATH Test to 11 am-1 pm... because of the Chinese Society...that day is the day they will send the flower to the girl...i would have test with her at 1 pm to 2.30 pm but i was scared...scared of things that i don't want to happen will happen...things like she would give me back the flowers...the flowers is just to give her as a symbol of FRIENDSHIP between me and her...i have no other intentions...Miss Lee say if she return the flower back to me then i should GIVE UP...even if she accept the flower...it also doesn't mean anything...so i now have a 50% 50% chances...i really really scared now...i think

"TERRIFIED" is the best word to describe my feeling now...i now really really HOPE

What Should I Do???

Today(JULY 30th), i ordered flower from my college for THAT girl....5 ROSES put inside a box...i never want to tell anyone about this but today i ask 1 of my friend...."you didn't buy flower ah?".He say "yes, maybe buy to a girl". I ask him who and then he told me....it is the same girl as me...And then i told him about me and the girl...i never wanted to tell him de...but i cannot STOP myself...we chat for a while...from my GUESSING...i think he is a little interested in that girl too....I DIRECTLY NO POWER...I don't know what to do now....i don't know how to describe the feeling inside me now...it's a feeling that i REALLY REALLY don't like...The flower that i ordered will be given to her by CHINESE SOCIETY during OGOS 20th...I hope she will like it...I know she doesn't have any feeling towards me but i will make friends with her first then show her that MY HEART TO HER IS TRUE.

I so StUpId...

I today so STUPID!!!....Today at college, we finish our PCD1 pratical class...at bus stop the girl just sit quite close to me but i didn't talk to her, instead i talk to my FRIENDS...WHY I SO STUPID!!! Then the bus came...we all gone up the bus, beside her seat got an empty space but i didn't go and sit...I also don't know why i didn't go sit...just talk to her become friend only mah...so hard meh?I REALLY REALLY TOO STUPID until no medicine can CURE!!! I MISS THIS GOOD CHANCE ALREADY....WHEN WILL HAVE THIS GOOD CHANCE AGAIN AH....This pass few days she suddenly will reply me again in MSN o...i also don't know why...but SMS she still no reply..."GOD" i need just another chance...just GIVE me another chance...i will really really cherish it de...please....

Suggestion...

Today i talk to 1 of my LECTURER about the situation i am in, the feeling i am feeling now...for short, i told him about me and the girl... He ask me to put studies as PRIMARY...after i finish my studies i can start chase the girl...i told him i cannot control my emotions, my feeling, he say i can, i just have to try...but to be honest...i can't!!! I am a guy that blindly follows what my heart tells me to do...i am not that kind of people that will think THIS think THAT and then just DO...Today i saw her but she didn't saw me, i saw her like very tired....so i sms her and ask what happen to her...she didn't even reply me...i was sad...i was very very sad...I tried to give myself an explanation,"MAYBE SHE TIRED","MAYBE SHE BUSY","MAYBE SHE SICK" but not 1 explanation can make me feel better...I AM LOST IN THE WIND OF LOVE...

Sad Moment

This is how i am feeling now...sad...i meet a girl..that i LOVE...i dare to use LOVE this word because my heart tells me that i really LOVE her..i am now trying to chase her...but i think i will fail...because the respond that she gave me. At first,we chat through sms and then msn, we chat like a friend...and then a few weeks later...she become colder and colder towards me...it seems like she knew that i want to chase her. When we meet at college, we pretend like we don't know each other, haiz...what should i do now? I am now really really sad...the feeling of BITTER and SOUR surrounding my HEART now...no matter how hard i try not to think, no matter how hard i try to forget...the image of the GIRL keeps on floating back to my mind...it really makes me feel sad~~~the feeling of BITTER and SOUR will be my friend at that time...I really don't like this feeling. I would like her to accept me into her heart, don't push ME away like that...The only way and the only person that can pull me out of this sad moment will be that GIRL only...I know i can't force her to accept me, but i really really do hope that she can give me 1 chance to prove my LOVE.My friend tell me that FATE will help, but i felt FATE is toying with me. I pray to "月老" that please help me on this...